-Lucifer, Satan of the World, Prince of Deception, Accuser of the Brethren.
What I will write in the next few paragraphs is not to be an accusation against anyone. I have no right to throw stones. Not even a pebble is ‘in hand.’
What I will write in the next few paragraphs is not intended to stir up sympathies. I intentionally post here rather than using other platforms to avoid drama and to give myself a fair opportunity to communicate with those who either know the person behind the screen or who have a self-directed interest. (As opposed to succumbing to an algorithm-driven attention grab.)
Michelle and I are deeply loved. We know love, we feel loved. We are also well aware that unless a lesser miracle happens, what is to come will most likely get worse, potentially far worse, possibly exceedingly worse.
Wednesday, September 9th marked 41 years of Michelle and my ‘official’ relationship. We both still remember well our ‘first date’, a ‘double.’ Romance is certainly not dead!
Yesterday those eyes I still find so captivating, brimming with tears, locked onto my own eyes and asked to me to help her.
I couldn’t. All those things I’ve learned to do (and be) these past four decades didn’t even scratch the surface of her need; nor did the narcotics we have at hand.
Overwhelming pain took her and Michelle cried. I felt like I was being torn inside-out. It was more than I could bear.
For more than 3o years I’ve been privileged to stand alongside people who also have been given more than they could bear. Financial ruin, deaths of infants, children, grandchildren and beloved spouses, suicides, sexual violence and even a few murders.
I am certain: ‘It is what it is,’ is absolutely no comfort.
I’ve known the crushing of ‘too much’ in the past and I am feeling it in this circumstance and most likely will feel it again. Maybe even today.
I know the One who created everything and holds everything together and yet was unable to carry His own cross to His execution site.*
I know the strength of family, bought with Jesus’ shed blood. This family serves as examples to us, who encourage us, who sacrifice in many ways to be gifts to us for Jesus’ sake.**
I know that even if I were to be thrown helpless and naked and even guilty before Him, I would not be cast out.***
I know we cannot ‘handle’ this now or in the future, but we will depend on Who will see us through.****
Thank you for praying, please don’t grow weary doing so.
If you are ever tempted to swallow the bald faced lie that God never allows us to endure more than we are able to ‘handle,’ reject the thought and receive the Love that overcomes every weight that life and death can possibly pile on.*****
*And He is the image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creation. For by Him all things were created, bot in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–all things have been created by Him and for Him. And he is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. (Colossians 1.15-17, NASB95)
And when they led HIm [Jesus] away, they laid hold of one Simon of Cyrene, coming in from the country, and placed on him the cross to carry behind Jesus. (Luke 23.26, NASB95)
**Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (Romans 12:9–10, NLT)
***Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.” (John 8:10–11, NASB95)
****Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7, NKJV)
And one more a friend shared with me this week: Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:3–6, ESV)
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Holding you and Michelle up in prayer and close to my heart.
Thank you Gail. Last night was actually a good night and we are both so grateful!
I love you and I’m praying for daily bread in the form of a miracle, endurance for daily activities and the aching heart under this too heavy of load.
thank you for loving your wife and all of us by sharing your journey. I know how much God loves us by hearing your words.
It is a honor to love and be loved. Thank you for the reminder of daily bread. That is all I need and something our Lord provides generously.
Amen. Continuing to pray. Love and miss you both.
Thank you so much.
Thank you again, Robert, for sharing this difficult journey with us so that we can walk with you. Believing with David that “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
You asked us not to grow weary in praying. I heard Matthew West’s “Don’t Stop Praying” on the radio this week and listened to the lyrics for the first time. Great encouragement about not giving up in our prayers.
Thank you Bonnie! It is true that our Lord is close to the broken, which is amazing. In our current culture we often think God is only close to the whole and successful. What a joy to know otherwise.
I’m so sorry she’s hurting so badly. Praying for her, and you.
The pain is not constantly overwhelming which is a blessing for us both. I pray it never gets there. Thank you for continuing to lift us up before the father. You are a great gift.
We did not know the seriousness of Michele’s illness. We are praying for the whole family. We know regardless of the situation that Michele and her family are in the Lord’s hands. Sending our love. Earl Wayne and Sandy
It’s heartbreaking to read about the depth of pain and helplessness you’ve experienced watching someone you love suffer. The contrast between those beautiful memories of a loving bond and the current struggle really highlights the fragility of life and relationships. How do you find moments of hope and resilience amid such overwhelming circumstances?
Please forgive my late response. For some reason this comment hit the ‘spam’ folder. I’ve adjusted some settings to help move these replies forward. Your question is a good one. Thank you for inviting me to provide some thoughts. Regarding my finding moments of hope: For me hope is completely wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. I’ve carefully considered the major religions of this world including the current ‘best sellers’ and, of course, the religion of materialism. I cannot find anything that surpasses the revelation of God’s character found in Jesus (see John 1.18). If Jesus is true, hope finds me. If Jesus is not true, hope is yet another lottery ticket purchase. I am by nature a depressive and melancholic, ‘hope’ is not natural. Jesus’ Spirit indwelling me is a constant source of hope for I know no matter how devasting the present or how injurious the past, my future is held by the One who gave His life to secure my inclusion to His family. Regarding resilience: I am incredibly blessed. My father suffered from severe epilepsy due to childhood polio. My mother grew up in the home of a real-life con man. Both had every excuse to be people of low character. However, both parents were claimed by Jesus as adults. I remember them before they committed to follow Jesus, they radically changed. Their faithful followship of not a religious devotion, but of Jesus Himself serves as a wonderful example to me of resilience. I have also personally listened to what is most likely more than a thousand people’s stories. I’ve learned from what they did well and where they went astray. I’ve come to know some extraordinary people along the way. To oversimplify, I have so many great examples in my life of how to be resilient, I have no excuse but to follow in their footsteps. I want to be the same for others as well. I can tell you it is not through my own strength or ingenuity but simply doing as I’ve seen done well.